A Family Thing
by Rikriel Rezier
Summary: Imagine your runofthemill family home. Now switch the residents with a bunch of GF's and watch the ensuing chaos. Hopefully Part One of a new series!


An obscure figure crammed itself inside the house, struggling through the door as usual. From a passer-bys point of view, little was known about this particular resident, apart from the fact that, 1) It was built like a warehouse, 2) It was the size of a warehouse and 3) It kept singing it's clothes, and had horns.

Taking off his coat, Ifrit Smith clambered over to the sofa, facing the television as it had always done. Before sitting, he passed a glance over to another figure cleaning in the kitchen.

You could say that Shiva Smith was more married to the house than her husband. The marriage had always been frowned upon. The two never had anything in common, but it was just that that made them fall in love. But that was then.

Ifrit flung his mahogany coloured hat – which looked as though it had passed through a furnace – onto the arm of the sofa, setting the fabric alight. Ifrit smiled, it was the 4th time that week that this had happened, and as usual, Shiva glided into the room and put it out. There was an awkward silence between the two of them.

"Y'know what'd be lovely, dear?" Ifrit told his wife, breaking the silence.

"A cup of coffee."

Shiva rolled her eyes, sighed and returned to the kitchen.

"Oh and darling?" Shiva stopped at the door to the kitchen.

"Remember to keep your gloves on this time, I don't want it cold again."

With another sigh, the ice maiden strolled into the kitchen, and from the sharp whistles, had turned on the kettle.

Carbuncle Smith, aged 12, entered the Living room, and sat in front of the TV, picked up the remote and turned the channel over to his favourite: Cartoons.

Of course, Ifrit had been watching the News, and upon the regular arrival of his son, always got annoyed.

"Son. I've talked to you before about asking to change the channel, haven't I?"

Carbuncle replied, entrance by what he saw on the screen. "Uh huh."

"Well, Daddy was watching the News on TV just now, and he wants you to turn to back." Ifrit implied, in a persuading tone.

Carbuncle whined. "Awww…but why?"

Ifrit's tone drew to a stern voice.

"Because I'm the adult, and what I say goes."

"Awwww man!" Carbuncle sulked, sitting on the sofa with crossed arms and a screwed up face.

Ifrit flicked the channel back over to the News. There had been another outbreak of Chocobo theft in the area.

After a few minutes, Carbuncle rapidly got out of his seat and strode upstairs, stamping on the steps and mumbling something as he went.

Almost as soon as Carbuncle vanished over the top step, Shiva returned with Ifrit's cup of coffee. It was piping hot this time, and Ifrit sighed with relief.

"You took your time." He exclaimed to Shiva.

Mrs. Smith sighed with anger and straightened her posture, obviously scared as to how her husband would react to what she was just about to say.

"You know what? Perhaps you could do something for a change. Rather than just watch TV." She told him, glancing sideways at him in anxiousness.

Ifrit snapped out of his seat.

"What! I slave away at work for 8 hours a day and now you think I'm not doing enough? I provide the money Shiva!" Ifrit roared, flames licked at his mouth, and his many earrings clattered against each other.

Moments after, a shrill cry pounded against the walls of the baby's bedroom, upstairs.

Ifrit looked towards the floor.

"I'll handle this." He said, trying to calm himself down, but also to keep in the good books of his wife, who, if provoked, could cause some serious domestic disturbance.

Upstairs, a small creature, which was green and had just got his first spikes, wailed and twisted his arms and legs about under his covers. The cot shook with force as the fiery demon called Dad slowly, and reluctantly entered the room. It's funny how such a large and hellish monster could be driven to utter fear by something so small.

"Quiet Cactuar! Please be quiet!" He pleaded to the tiny cactus flailing about in his crib. Ifrit picked him up, and at arms length muttered a few words to calm him down.

"It's alright, Cactuar, Daddy's here."

Ifrit's hands began to burn the little baby's sides. It screamed louder. It broke free of its father's grip and began to flee.

"No Cactuar! Don't run away! Not again…" He sighed to himself, as his baby son scurried downstairs, and into the kitchen.

The commotion must've woken something, as a faint light pierced through the darkness of the bedroom. Ifrit turned around to see yet another green creature. It was his other son, this time 3 years old.

"Tonberry." Ifrit began, annoyed now at the events that had happened.

"What have I said about playing with knives?"

Tonberry stared blankly at his Dad; it's tail shaking a little in the dark.

"Now son, I want you to give that knife to Daddy, it belongs in the kitchen." He held out his hand, and Tonberry hesitantly handed him the Chef's knife.

"Thanks you son, now promise me that you'll never do it again."

Tonberry stared blankly at his Dad; his tail shaking a little in the dark.

Ifrit gripped the knife, and slowly made his way downstairs, being careful not to let Carbuncle or Cactuar see him. Ifrit knew what would happen if that happened.

Carbuncle slid out of his room, and started downstairs for a drink. He turned to see his father on the landing, carrying a knife.

"Daddy?" He blubbered, tears filling his eyes.

"WAAAAHHHH!" He screamed, more deafening than Cactuar's by a long shot. Ifrit frantically looked down at the knife he was holding.

"No wait, it's not what it looks like!" He bellowed in fear.

Carbuncle flew downstairs, meeting Shiva at the bottom. She looked up at Ifrit and the knife, and knew instantly what had happened.

Shiva slowly explained to her son why his Daddy was holding a knife, and slowly reassured him into silence. She led him up to his room, and looked around at her husband before entering the bedroom.

Ifrit, with the knife behind his back, smiled weakly.

And with the children now calmed down and asleep in their beds, with Shiva hard at work once more in the kitchen, Ifrit slowly descended the stairs, exhausted.

He sat down on the couch, sighed, turned on the TV and called to his wife a few simple words,

"Y'know what'd be nice, darling? A coffee."


End file.
